I journeyed into my womb

and there I met Gaia.

She pulsed with the wisdom of the ages

and with kindheartedness she gifted this knowledge. 

She told me forgiveness doesn’t exist 

for there’s nothing to forgive 

when one acts from right action.  

I watched as in abundance she fed all her creatures

just as my breast 

is constantly meeting the needs

of my babe’s changing body. 

I danced on her fertile dirt

and couldn’t help but see the interconnections

for what I do to myself, I do to her. 

I merged with the rains of compassion,

and empathized with each soul.

I drew in the scents of the soil, 

and deepened the collective remembering.

I waltzed with her tireless hymns,

and rejoiced in this ever changing symphony of sounds.

I morphed with the beating sun,

and drank in etheric cosmic dust.

I journeyed deeper into my womb,

and found peace,

and became pure contentment,

and folded into time’s dimensions

to become one with all of life. 

In my womb I found all

and all found me. 

 

illustration by Laurel Haran

It’s in the pauses between cycles,
the seemingly still,
that the transfiguration occurs
where form churns to formless.
In each retention of breath
the physical dissolves,
self hangs suspended, naked, vulnerable.
All I once knew disintegrates
and all that remains is pure consciousness,
the delicate hum of spirit
decorating my cells with wisdom,
beckoning an altered state of existence.
In that moment of radiant expansion
duality is shaken from its slumber,
the sensation of hot and cold,
the illusion of I and other,
the separation of man and nature,
all comes together in one sip of ecstasy:
a pause
coalesced,
union dancing with infinity,
a quiet dissolving.
Then just as quickly the layers of self trickle back in:
the sounds of the birds, I reside in California;
the smells of the air, I am in spring;
the thought of my husband – I am a wife;
the murmurs of my babe – I am a mother.
I observe these layers that make me me,
that aren’t me.
And crackling in the background
my spirit stokes fires of freedom,
constantly chiseling at fragments of separation.
I become more whole, connected, embalmed in form
for I remain human on this earth
enabled to observe the process,
empowered towards compassion,
tending towards joy.
And the heat of my primitive knowingness
rises into the conditioning of my mind
and burns away the illusions of fear, scarcity and hate
so I can trust the divine organization,
the bounty of nature,
the benevolent universe,
the tendency towards good.